In the expansive landscape of childhood, our minds are like vast, open fields, ready to absorb every experience, every word spoken, and every emotion felt. And sometimes, seeds of self-doubt and deficiency narratives are unwittingly sowed into this fertile soil. These seeds sprout into beliefs – beliefs that we’re not enough, not worthy of love, or that we are inherently flawed in some way, which creates suffering.
During these formative times, events and interactions can shape how we perceive ourselves and the world as we know it. As we journey into adulthood, these beliefs become the lenses through which we view the world. For instance, a moment of shame, a critical word, or a harsh tone can create a profound impact. These incidents form the cornerstone of aversion loops in the psyche. The mind, in an attempt to protect itself, develops aversions to situations or emotions reminiscent of these painful moments. It’s like an internal defence mechanism, but one that inadvertently perpetuates suffering.
These aversions, however, don’t exist in isolation. They’re coupled with an innate human desire: the craving for connection, acceptance, and love. When life triggers these aversions, the craving for relief becomes intense. We seek solace, often unknowingly, in substances, behaviours, or relationships that offer momentary respite from the overwhelming feelings. It’s here that addiction enters the scene, providing a temporary escape from the cycle of aversion and craving.
We find ourselves craving validation, yearning for love, and often seeking solace in unhealthy habits or relationships. Aversion to pain, both physical and emotional, becomes a trigger, leading us to substances, behaviours, or even people that offer momentary relief but actually intensify our suffering in the long run.
Why do we resort to these addictive patterns? It’s because, in those moments of craving, we lack the inner resources to face the overwhelming emotions that arise from our aversions. The shame, fear, or inadequacy feels insurmountable. Addictions, then, become coping mechanisms, albeit unhealthy ones, to manage the intensity of these emotions.
This loop of aversion, craving, and addiction is a deeply ingrained pattern, etched into the fabric of our consciousness. It’s a cycle where suffering breeds more suffering and breaking free can sometimes seem like an insurmountable task.
However, understanding the origins of these patterns, rooted in developmental trauma, is the first step toward liberation. And it’s about really gently unravelling these loops, offering compassion to the wounded inner child, and building the inner resources needed to face the aversions head-on without succumbing to cravings and addictions. It’s about recognising and acknowledging that the roots of our cravings and aversions lie in those early narratives, the ones that no longer serve us.
Imagine your mind as a garden with the soil and seeds I mentioned earlier. Those limiting beliefs, the ones that cause suffering, are like invasive weeds. To nurture this garden, we must pluck out these weeds gently, one by one, replacing them with seeds of self-compassion, self-love, and worthiness and fertilise the seeds with a soothing elixir of self-acceptance.
Learning to be present with our experiences involves embracing them without perpetuating the narratives of deficiency or believing something is inherently wrong with us. It’s about moving away from the patterns of push and pull, avoiding the urge to run away, reject, or seek immediate relief. Instead, it entails the art of regulating the nervous system, fostering the ability to self-regulate. This journey is about sitting with our emotions, acknowledging their presence, and allowing them to flow through us without judgment or resistance. Through gentle awareness and self-compassion, we create a space where our experiences can unfold naturally, empowering us to respond with calmness and understanding, which then creates this profound sense of inner peace, acceptance, liberation, and freedom.
As you reflect on your own journey, know this: your suffering does not define you. It’s a cloak, temporarily worn, and one that can be shed. The power lies within you to cultivate a garden of self-love, to replace the narratives of deficiency with tales of resilience and growth. As you embark on this mindful journey, remember, you’re not alone; we’re walking this path together, planting new seeds, nurturing our souls, and finding the freedom to be truly, unapologetically, ourselves.
Share your experiences in the comments as it may help others in their journey.
If you need any support or are having difficulties, book in for an individual reading or session or treatment.
Stay connected by liking and following Emjay Spa & Wellness on facebook and instagram and if you feel someone else could benefit, please feel free to share this post or our page.