As we journey on our pathway to our authentic self, we may find ourselves feeling a lack of motivation, procrastination, avoidance, or we may even recognise some self-sabotaging behaviours appearing. Sometimes we know why as we are doing it, and we will make a choice to either deal with the situation, or we won’t. And other times, it could be an unconscious resistance that we may not even be aware of, meaning there may be an unconscious defence mechanism being triggered to protect you from facing difficult emotions, confronting past traumas, or making changes that may bring discomfort or fear.
Resistance can occur for a number of reasons, including a fear of change (even if it is a positive change), past experiences, a lack of trust, self-doubt and a discomfort with vulnerability, and it can be unique to each individual.
If you notice you have a fear of change or perhaps a fear of the unknown, there could be some past trauma resurfacing where there were big or difficult emotions involved and you may be scared of what you might discover about yourself or what changes might happen. It is important to recognise that is it ok to be scared and emotions are temporary.
Change can be really scary and getting to the root cause of the resistance with the right support, can enable you to make positive changes in your life and address unconscious patterns that may be holding you back. You don’t necessarily need to relive the traumatic experience to heal it.
Negative past experiences, such as abusive relationships or trauma can create defence mechanisms leading to a mistrust of authority figures. Or, perhaps due to a lack of trust, you misconstrue the attempts of support from those with genuine intentions and unknowingly push them out of your life which in turn, perpetuates the cycle by you moving into victim mode due to your inability to recognise or acknowledge your own behaviours that lead up to that outcome.
Resistance can hinder the ability for form and maintain healthy relationships as a person resistant to facing difficult emotions or confronting past trauma may have a pattern of interpersonal distance as a form of protection.
The lack of trust you feel may cause you to be resistant to support or even therapy due to being invalidated, judged, or dismissed in the past. The negative self-perception or self-doubt can also be due to a belief that you are unworthy of change or that you are unlovable, or perhaps there is a thought that therapy wouldn’t help.
As seeking help or support requires a person to open up and be vulnerable, the discomfort can lead to resistance due to how difficult it can feel for some. For example, if a person has been taught to suppress their emotions, they may feel very uncomfortable or even unsafe opening up and expressing their feelings. Instead, alternatives such as becoming a workaholic or substance abuse are the chosen ways to avoid dealing with difficult emotions or to avoid facing the underlying issues.
This can become a vicious cycle as the perceived workload and substance abuse only numbs it for a limited time, but it doesn’t just numb the emotions being resisted, it also numbs the good emotions. These choices lead to a perpetuation of unhealthy patterns.
To heal resistance that sits at an unconscious level, there are techniques you can start with, such as mindfulness, self-reflection and journalling. This will help bring what is sitting unconsciously to the surface so as to make it conscious.
You could follow the steps below and if feel you’d like further assistance, consult a therapist that you feel comfortable with.
- Identify and acknowledge the resistance. This may involve reflecting on what feels scary or uncomfortable or what past experience is contributing to the resistance. Give yourself permission to be in your heart-space, becoming consciously aware of it, how it makes you feel and what you actions and reactions to it are, in the past, present and how you would rather feel going into the future. It is important to be open and feel the emotions – don’t resist them. Vulnerability is a superpower.
- Challenge your self-talk. Resistance can be fuelled by self-talk. Challenge your self-talk by finding evidence that contradicts it and reframing it into a more loving, positive, and uplifting light. Speak to yourself as if you were speaking to a very close friend in need or even a young child.
- Practice self-care by taking care of yourself. Choose activities that increase your feelings of safety and well-being, such as exercise, meditation or spending time in nature.
- Talk to a trusted and supportive friend, family member or support group. Having someone to hold space for you can help reduce resistance by providing support, validation and a sense of community.
- Educate yourself with due diligence. There is a wealth of free information and knowledge available online these days to help you process emotions, to dispel myths and reduce your fear of the unknown which in turn will reduce your resistance.
It is important to keep in mind that these steps may not completely eliminate resistance, particularly if there are multiple causes or substance concerns and these steps are certainly not a replacement for professional help, however, it is a great starting point for you to build on from there in whichever way you see fit.
Share your experiences in the comments as it may help others in their journey.
If you need any support or are having difficulties, book in for an individual reading or session or treatment.
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